I know and empathize with how deep the pain goes with loss. It’s a stinging feeling that’s like a streak of black paint across your body and soul.
You are not the only person going through all 6 things you mentioned. You are not cursed.
Keep writing about these emotional internalized perspectives — write and write more. They have taproots and causaility that you discover from revisitng and rewritnig/expressing over time.
I think my fixation with health and seeking wisdom kept me alive in the darker years.
Much love and support — make today gamble free!