Dear Toymaker
Hurting yourself is definitely not the answer but I do understand why you feel as you do – all the members on this forum will understand every word that you have written. There really is life after the addiction however and you deserve that life, so please hang in – I will support you as much as I can and hopefully you will see your way through this nightmare.
There are no tricks I’m afraid but your health and happiness count for a lot – so please believe me – you do matter.
If I were you I would find a GA group in your local area. GA is Gamblers Anonymous and it does fantastic work with people struggling like your wife. A good time to encourage her to go to GA is in the aftermath of a gambling session when she is remorseful. Hopefully sitting with her peers she can open up about her behaviour and learn that there is a better way to live. Nobody understands a CG better than another CG and those who control their addition help the others to change their lives.
Did you download the GA20 questions?.
Gamanon is the sister group of GA and is for the families of those with this terrible addiction and I think it is an amazing organisation. Cyber space is great but sometimes it is better to sit round a table and feel the love and care of others who understand us – it was my salvation. With Gamanon you are talking in real time and CGs are not allowed to join (unless invited) so you can be entirely honest and share all your worries – believe me all the concerns you have spoken about will already be known in a Gamanon group..
You are not crazy. Your wife’s addiction wants you to be confused because it wants you to feed it – but with knowledge of her addiction you will be stronger and able to cope. I cannot tell you what to do but I believe it is important to put all money and possessions of value beyond the reach of an active CG. Where is she getting her money from? Does she have credit cards? Is there a reason that your wife is unable to work?
It is hard but in my opinion, the non-CG should take care of ‘all’ the finances, keep money in private accounts and hide the pin numbers.
Exploding made no difference, so maybe it is time to try something different. When you wife is listening in a quieter moment, perhaps you could ask her to let you support her – explain that you will not replace the I-pad but that you are not punishing her – you are supporting her. Ask her to go to GA and talk to them about the I-pad and how she feels about not having one.
Perhaps you could tell her that ‘you’ have sought support because you are taking the situation seriously and want to help her. Maybe introduce her to this site – our Helpline is terrific.
Keep talking Toymaker – you will find your way through this.
Velvet
