Dear Peanut Feathers
I believe I know why you are posting and I am glad that you are – you are definitely not the last one who needs support from this forum.
Your husband is almost definitely a CG and CGs do many things that are unaccountable and unfathomable to non-CGs. I don’t see any harm in remembering the good times and not the bad and I understand why you are focusing on his poor way to leave.
You are not pathetic and your words resound with me – you are lost and confused and that is how most non-CGs feel when the person they love appears to walk away from the support that was unconditionally offered.
You do have a CG in your life and you are married to him which includes vows to stick together through thick and thin, You want to keep those vows but for some inexplicable reason your husband doesn’t want to, either temporarily or permanently, who can tell?
When I say time helps, I am seldom talking about weeks or even months. My brother died suddenly in February and my sister-in-Law is still reeling and will continue to do so for a long time. On his birthday I took her out and we talked and laughed about anything but the fact that it was his birthday. She knew, just as I knew, that we were both thinking about him but there was nothing that would bring him back so we tried to enjoy the day as best we could. We were both remembering his birthday last year but next year the memory will lessen because time is a healer – if we allow it. Next year, hopefully, she will remember what we did together this year.
I think sending a message that appears to end a relationship is cowardly – it has left you with nothing to hang on to – but still you are remembering the good times and I commend you for that. I don’t find you free but I find you trapped by the selfishness of another which may or may not not be ascribed to his addiction.
It is amazing that a man would be ‘surprised’ by a message from his wife. I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I think I would send the shortest of messages to ask ‘ help me understand why you left when I love you and I am willing to fight for you and our marriage because not knowing ‘why’ is making it impossible for me to move on?’ Maybe he won’t respond, maybe his surprise will be so great he will be struck dumb, maybe he is just gutless and selfish, maybe he will tell you why he left. At the moment you don’t know.
Who can tell if there is anything that can be done or if reaching out here will make any difference – as Mahatma Gandi said ‘ you may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing there will be no results.’
Whatever you decide to do Peanut, this forum is here for ‘you’. And you certainly don’t feel like a stranger to me.
Velvet
