Dear (((Nacole)))! Let me assure you that every compulsive gambler knows exactly how you are feeling. We just have different stories. I too lived rurally and would frequent the vlts almost on a daily basis. My husband knew I gambled but not how often or how much money I was spending, as I was the one that managed the finances. He always told me that as long as there was enough money to cover the bills and living expenses, he had no problem with me gambling. I became addicted to gambling the first time a friend took me to a casino because I won the first time I went. It has been said that slot machines are the crack cocaine of gambling. I knew I had a gambling problem right from when I first started gambling, and felt what I was doing was insane, but felt powerless when it came to quitting my addictive behavior. I isolated myself at home, other than when I went to play the vlts. I too worked from home, so I really understand. The only time I felt alive was when I was at the venue and could play the vlts and chat with other players. The only thing that I cared about was my grandchildren and compulsively gambling. This site saved me from myself. I learned about the addiction and how to recover here. Most spouses don’t know how to support us in recovery. They too need a recovery program so they can learn about how addictive this disease is, and how to best support us. Recovery is possible but it also includes a healthy dose of honesty to our spouse/family about how serious our addiction is. This disease can be arrested but never cured. It is a progressive disease and unless a person starts recovery, the addiction will get worse, and the guilt, shame, loathing, etc will increase. I thought the only way that I was going to quit was to die at my own hand. Thank God I found recovery online. Live on this site if you have to, to get you through your days. The same recovery principles that apply to alcohol and drug addiction, apply to compulsive gambling. Many treatment centres are now grouping all addictions together when it comes to providing treatment for addictions, because the recovery work is the same. Addictions thrive on isolation and secrecy, so that’s why it is important to start being honest. Secrets keep us sick as they say. I found a huge challenge in filling the void after I quit gambling, especially since I lived rurally. There was nothing I wanted to participate in, or was interested in. Pulling weeds and vacumming up after 5 dogs just didn’t cut it for me. You can do this, one day at a time. Carole
