Dear MM
At the risk of making you sadder I hear manipulation in every line. I suggest to you MM that the reason he cannot open up is because the money has been gambled.
If I was hearing the same words in my situation over again I would be positive the money had been gambled – actually I will correct that statement – when I heard almost identical words my CG had always gambled. Why do you not believe that he has gambled the money?
Your husband seems hell-bent on getting you to Cuba but offering nothing but prevarication and manipulation – I don’t hear someone trying to build even a tiny bit of trust. You can hear that ‘he’ is getting annoyed but I suggest to you that his addiction is getting doubly furious because you are not jumping to its tune. ‘His’ leaving the conversation so abruptly is typical too – leaving you with the guilt to think over what has been said and to realise that when he gambles again it will be your fault. By taking on the guilt, ‘in advance’ of his next gambling spree, it seems to you that you haven’t fully accepted your husband’s addiction.
I have been feeling MM that maybe you should return to Cuba and see for yourself but in view of this latest communication and your reaction I hope you will delay longer and give yourself time to think and understand more. I know you have been reading and trying to take in all the different aspects of the addiction to gamble but of course coping with a loved one who is actively gambling is not so easy. Sadly it takes far too many kicks in the teeth before we finally get the light bulb moment and then the strength to keep it switched on.
In my opinion MM it would be better if you leave him to do some thinking – hold off from communicating and maybe write some headings of what you will and will not not say to him when you do. Talking to an active CG face to face is hard enough but you are trying to discern from a distance what it going on and I definitely do not hear the conversation the way you have done.
I am sorry you feel so alone in Mexico – I hope keeping in touch with the site is helping you to feel less so.
Speak soon – you will be ok
Velvet
