Dear (((Kpat)))! I was touched that you read my thread. I can relate to the stress of being a Homecare nurse as I was a Homecare Social Worker for several years. I want to assure you that managing your addiction does get easier with time. I’ve fallen off the recovery train many times but the key to recovery is always getting back on. Recovery is not an all or nothing thing. I have yet to speak to a compulsive gambler that hasn’t had trauma in their life. At first gambling is fun and an escape from feeling anything except excitement that a person might win “free” money. For me it very quickly became a compulsion as I won a large amount of money the first time I went there. I would get a feeling in my stomach that was very much like being on a ferris wheel or a roller-coaster, when I was on my way to the casino. I used gambling to escape boredom, stress, loneliness, and to escape the anger my husband was expressing most of the time. I am banned from the casinos in my province, but the ban does not include the vlts. The only people I see at the vlts are compulsive gamblers like me, so there has become no social value for me to go there. The good thing about you and your husband working recovery together, is that he understands how a cg mind works. My husband does not have a clue and doesn’t believe in depression, and thinks that addictions are just a cop-out, and that people should be able to just pull up their socks and get on with it. So I haven’t had support in quitting gambling and he has at times enabled me. It is only in recent time that he is making me more accountable as to where the money is going. I do not work outside my home anymore so my biggest challenge has been to find something to replace gambling with. Another positive is that you have a church family so you do have opportunities to help out there. I used to berate myself that I would be held accountable for not being a good steward of my money. God forgives and when we know better, we do better as Oprah would say. Sin is sin, no matter what it is and if God forgives, who are we to not forgive ourselves. We are not our addiction; it is a small part of who we are. All we have is today and it is a blank canvass. Way to go on choosing recovery!! Carole
