Dear Jenny
I hope it helps you to know that there is not one word in your post that I cannot relate to – the big difference for me is that it took me a lot longer than you to got anywhere near writing your final paragraph.
Sheriff Officers and debts collectors have a job to do and if they were to pussy-foot around they would never get the justice that creditors deserve BUT they really are (in the main) very human with homes, wives and children. Unfortunately when you phone such offices etc you may find yourself speaking to ‘Jobs Worth’ – if that happens demand to speak to someone else – there is understanding for the genuine, don’t give up until you find it and never be afraid of being emotional when you speak to them. You may even end up talking to someone who knows exactly what you are going through – it happens!
Your daughter is amazing, I know these men don’t come round wearing fluffy jumpers and carrying skipping ropes, they look incredibly tough and when they get the bad boys they can be really mean but I believe and hope that I am right that they would have been mortified to know they were scaring a 13 year old child on her own.
Would I tell the debts collectors where my CG lives if I was in your position? My answer is that I would ‘now’, knowing what I know now. Possibly not the most helpful answer but of course decisions on your life must come from you, I made mine and they were often not right.
There is a strong possibility that these men may return because they have nowhere else to get the debts paid for their clients, your daughter or son may be alone again, each visit is terrifying no matter what age we are. I think you are absolutely right when you say he is still actively gambling and the only thing you can do is protect yourself and your children.
I cannot tell you what to do Jenny but I believe it is safe to say that giving your CGs address to the people he owes money to will never affect you getting consent to do what you want to do with your daughter – you are doing the best thing for your children – that is what matters.
You were not a fool when you fell in love, how could you possibly know about this addiction without it being in your life or in the life of someone you knew well – I didn’t believe it even when I was told over and over again and the truth was staring me in the face, Many people can’t handle money – they don’t have to be CGs. We were naïve and ignorant of addiction but not foolish.
The CSA can take money at source, maybe they need to know where your CG lives – how you make your own decisions, however, determines your recovery and whatever you do will be understood in this forum.
I agree with your friend’s quote. I do use the past here and in my life but for reference only – I will never live in it again, I cannot change it but I can and hopefully do make it work for me.
Just a quick final word – Are you watching Mr Selfridge? I Know it has now become more fictional but his gambling is well documented and well portrayed– a man who had it all and lost it all. I find it uncomfortable to watch but interesting all the same
As Always Jenny – thinking about you
Keep posting
V