Dear Jenny
I am compelled to respond quickly in case you are reading today and I want to tell you that everything you have written has been heard.
I am in no doubts that your ex-husband is suffering and desperate but I am also in no doubt why this is so. I won’t belittle his threat of suicide because I know how potent such a treat is and how distressing it is for you to hear – it is the ultimate threat and of course we have all heard about people who take their lives when they are alone and unhappy – but – however sad or desperate his situation is, only he can change it – nothing you could say or do would make any difference. If it was me I would not retaliate angrily over such a threat but say something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry you feel like this but the answer is in your hands and not with me’.
I think the most telling thing about your ex is when the police called and found him in high spirits – not even just muddling along – and then by his own admission he says he has used his suicidal threats to get his way with you – it is hardly surprising the police were not impressed. I hope if there is a next time (and I agree with you it doesn’t look as though he is ready to control his addiction yet) that you will remember what the police found when they went to see him.
Jenny there is no way of knowing how low your ex can/will get but your final paragraph convinces me that you will withstand his addiction. He is flinging everything, bar the kitchen sink, at you but you are seeing past his tirades, you are seeing his addiction dictating his life – he is sad, he is suffering and desperate but you cannot save him and you have three children to protect.
Just imagine a company that would (or even could) write off £8000 with the economy as it is these days – I would need a massive pinch of salt for that one!! Listening to him is ok, filtering out what could be true is and not believing the stuff he says about you because you know it isn’t true, is more important.
Keep posting – you are doing well – and however tough it gets, always keep uppermost in your mind – you are stronger than this addiction.
Hogmanay is the big one for me too and here we still are
Hope to ‘see’ you on Tuesday.
V
