Dear Hope
Sorry I haven’t replied sooner but I have been away for the weekend.
I have not read anything you have written that I did not feel post rehab – or that my CG did not express – even down to the gut feeling that there was more going on than was being recognised.
I can believe your son is weary – he has been into rehab and has been given the tools to control his addiction but he hasn’t, so far, managed to utilise them for very long. He is probably very disappointed and tired of trying.
My CG did not go back into the house for more rehab Hope but he always kept in communication with it – he knew he had not mastered his addiction even though he knew what he had to do to control it.
Unfortunately although the CG works hard at changing and determining to live a better life, it is unsettling after rehab to find the world has not changed at all. All around him the media is still screaming at him to buy things he cannot afford, to believe in the unattainable, to have this car or that holiday. Rehab can teach your son how he should live if he is to control his addiction but it can’t teach those he meets from having expectations of him that weigh too heavily on him; it can’t teach the media to consider those who cannot, for one reason or another, afford the luxuries of life. The battle is tough and your son is in the middle, confused and weary.
I believe that recovery is a lonely slog however much those around the CG love them. This is why I believe that communication with other CGs who have controlled their addiction or talking to those who really understand, such as GMA or the Helpline here is so important.
I know that GMA residents are discouraged from being alone in their rooms – they are not ordered out but when they emerge they are treated to conversation and activity. Is your son eating with you? Maybe when he comes in from work or whenever he is about to disappear into his room you could suggest that you would like his company for a little while but have something ready to talk about, encourage him to tell you about his day and hopefully tell him something that you had done or that you had enjoyed. Questioning a CG is often fraught as it is a reminder of when suspicion lurked behind so many conversations –paranoia is not uncommon. Inviting conversation by requesting his opinion or drawing him in to something that has happened or building on something that he has said is great. Ask him to help you understand rather than telling him what you maybe think he should do – and I am really not suggesting that this is what you do.
It is eggshells and I know you must be weary of walking on them but your son is vulnerable and I am hoping that his weariness is with his addiction, in which case maybe he is ready to have another go at controlling it.
Leave no stone unturned Hope – talk to our Helpline, ask about GMA. The addiction to gamble does cause depression – it thrives on failure. I cannot tell you what to do but I am not of the opinion that a GP or pills are the answer.
His brain isn’t wired wrongly, it is just wired differently, he has to work at seeing things the way other people do – but he can be understood and the support is there for him. He can use this experience to live a better life. Maybe he didn’t dig deep enough when he had the chance – maybe he could be encouraged to try again.
I hope you will join me again tomorrow evening but until then keep posting and I will stoke the little grey cells.
Velvet
