Dear Frankie
He made the contact without you and he is the one who needs to take care of his own move towards his recovery. Patience is not easy I know and waiting for something to happen is difficult but he made the contact without telling you for a reason, possibly not a reason that you understand but in his mind there was a reason. I will never know why on a certain day at a certain time my CG decided he had had enough of the way he was living and applied to GMA – it wasn’t because of 25 years of me talking/yelling/pleading/crying/forgiving/threatening that make him come to his decision.
A non-argumentative atmosphere is the best but not talking ‘at’ a CG is also brilliant – they have to want to change for themselves not because somebody else is demanding or forcing them to act. Demanding and/or forcing will not get the desired result. I remember one night in Gam-Anon where a mother and daughter deposited their husband/father in the Gamblers Anonymous room and then they came in to the Gam-Anon group. I think everybody present realised that the husband/father would not be back and sadly it was so. The non-argumentative atmosphere shows the CG the way it could be all the time if he changes which is much better than all the talking
When the future seems hard and unclear the only thing to do is to make sure that just for today you live for yourself and enjoy the things that give you pleasure, such as your child, or a walk or a chat to a friend. You are supporting him in the right way but allow him to follow through with the thoughts he seems to be having and give him an extra cuddle when you are pleased with what you hear.
Keep posting
Velvet
