The thought of you waddling around like a turtle makes me smile.
Turtles on land walk with a calmness and with purpose, focused on where they are going and why, so you have given a good description of yourself in many ways through comparing yourself to a turtle.
You no longer hide in your shell and my wishes for you are to see you enter the water, no longer weighed down by the heaviness in that shell and take on the same grace as you swim.
There may be a void in your physical relaitionship but the point is that you want to cross it. But like the turtle again you cannot be hurried, it will be in your time.
I have to say though if I ever see you laying eggs in the sand I would be a little worried if not greatly amused !!
Best wishes to you and your family
Jenny x