Dear DD,
Welcome to GT, I hope you feel a bit more settled from the responses you have received so far and by reading threads of others here who are suffering from addiction in their families.
The more you read and respond, you’ll find that you can manage, applying strategies from others here.
I too am a child of a CG. In my case, it’s my father. His addiction made my life unbearable for decades and it wasn’t until I stopped enabling him that my life started to get better. However, just as life there will always be bumps in the road, as well as detours but the key is how you chose to react to these setbacks.
I also wrote a letter to my father. I sent it to him registered mail and he didn’t even acknowledge receiving it until I asked him about it. He then became very hostile, shifting the blame on me saying how dare I write him such a letter. I thought it would be a wake-up call but it wasn’t. In the letter I had written actions I would take, ones that are not in my nature but necessary. I learned early on that if you are going to make a claim you better follow through or the addiction will never take you seriously. My point is to follow through with whatever you say, don’t buy into excuses or sad stories, even though they may seem plausible. You have to show strength against this addiction because it will not rest.
A strategy that allowed me to have a relationship with my CG father was to separate the addiction from him. I was able to put the hurt and anger towards his gambling aside, only acknowledging the father I knew and loved not the addiction.
However when the beast would come out, I would stand firm against it, not giving in. I just kept my stance. I know how hard this can be but I kept reminding myself, that I was doing this for him. I was doing this for him to see how the addiction was ruining his life and I wasn’t going to support his decision to keep gambling. However I will warn you that there were times when separating the addiction from your mom may not be possible. In this case I would just pull back.
I can already see from your posts that you do have a good sense of this addiction and already have implemented good strategies. Just don’t get swayed by the addiction’s charm either, don’t give it any room to pull you in. When you stand tall against this addiction, you are also protecting your mother.
I too wish your well and feel free to ask any questions you may have.
Twlight