today is day 3 since my relapse, and i must say it has been restless….sometimes i get my mind totally off it and then the nightmarish guilt comes right back piercing through me, sometimes i will just watch myself in the mirror and laugh…now the positives i have currently is that i am not in debt….i have raped my savings and i have put a lot of plans on hold but i dont owe any money due to gambling..and will be able to pay my bills from my salary once i dont follow the beast..now i have absolutely no cravings for gambling because its just that grief for my losses and bitter feeling towards casinos…but its 3 months down the road when i finally start to the see the light…one more binge can now be the end of it all….i was here before once now im here again…but i know when that glimmer of hope comes with time… im not going back…even though if i think im a level headed enough to finally gamble responsibly., as my freind has said ” my rational brain switches off and the addiction takes the driver’s seat. The addiction is one greedy bastard”….could not have been said more appropriately…..
