My Inventory check:
These are my shameful, and irresponsible acts, all the latest hard earn money that I have lost in the last 12 months:
Alcohol: 1 time – $1000, Casino: 3 times – $7000, Soccer Punting: 1 time – $6000
This all happen when I was still under the self exclusion ban, so it was not fool proof. I still need a safety net, it was suggested that I need to keep a safe distance for myself from money.
This suggestion was not so bad compare to a time when I thought only my death, jail or halfway house can stop me.
My biggest soccer gambling transaction in a month happen in Dec 2012, this was 7 years after I came into recovery. I continue to gamble on and off, memory of this incident frighten me today, I did not know I have accumulated what was for me a dangerous and huge sum, amounting to $250,000 of soccer gambling transactions.
I don’t want any loss from gambling in my life anymore.
Everything is not ok but I am ok. I am still very hopeful that I can do better “in recovery”. Life will be better for me and everyone around me without all my gambling and alcohol in the future.
I was saved by the Grace of my Higher Power.