Today I woke up thinking this is a new day and I must focus on being positive. I reflected and had my quiet time with prayer and planned to do some neglected chores around the house and clean to make me feel better as I cannot abide an unclean, disorderly place. But as I was quietly doing things and walking in the garden these demons were reminding that I could only get money to pay my debts from just going back on the site. I was tempted to just look to see if there may be a bonus to play with as I haven’t got any money but I refrained ! I told myself I will not listen to the lies and deceits of the demons and devils on my shoulders.
But I have to keep occupying my time, being productive and keep my mind busy to avoid being tempted by the attraction and lure of those bright light attractions. I’ve taken pictures of my very big wins and they always play on my mind to remind me how often and how big they were. I tell myself I did when I played, I just was never able to stop because I kept playing for a bigger win and then lost it all down to the last cent, in the hope that my luck changed. I just couldn’t settle for less than that win and tried to get back up again.
I have to let go of these thoughts……. For now, Im going to unpack some boxes I’ve haven’t opened for 6 months since moving in as my time was totally dedicated to gambling only.
I also plan to just do some ironing while watching TV to fill and bide away the time tonight. I know I will go to sleep around
2 am and have to form a normal sleeping pattern again.
Hope tomorrow gets easier……….