Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Dear diary
Early days in recovery was always the trickiest. I could have fail on the very first day.
Yesterday I plan to go total abstinence today yet I still went ahead to place a bet for a game that start at 8 am.
I was at the door step but the betting house was not open for business at this time and that stop me.
The experience today shows that my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.
I felt that recently my self-will was again chain to the bondage of addiction, I am like its slave, it is running my life. I want to but have not surrender and let go totally yet, my self- will is still in control.
I am weak and vulnerable to all kind of temptations. I need to change my direction and rebuild because when my self-will is in control, my life goes out of control.