Today is my eldest sons 36th birthday and I text him Happy Birthday. Pete gives me some Ted aker aftershave to give him. Yesterday I spent in bed all day and today. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go. I feel so frustrated and angry with everything I just cry. Bailey,the dog claws stay bedroom door trying to open it. He. He may be the only creature in this universe right now who knows how I feel. I am doing the spiritual aspects in the steps for next week. How do I feel?
I feel that doing the steps just lingers the amount I sit in pain and I don’t see the benefit of doing them. We as human beings need to gain mastery over our emotions and not sit or wallow in them. I,am seriously questioning the benefit of GA.
I feel that God is an absent father who deserts his children when they in need. I don’t care for that aspect of him very much.
My Motivation is at an all time low. I know I can’t carry on like this but isn’t get myself out of it either.
I am not looking for advice on my thread so please don’t give it. I am where I am and this is how I have felt for the past two days. My sponsor said he will put money on my oyster card for the GA meeting this evening. But I really don’t want to go. For more of the same that amounts to a big fat nothing.