[Monica1]

Daughter rang to tell me she had forgotten the family were going on holiday in a week. So that puts the kybosh on that idea at least for a few weeks. Every door feels like it is slammed in my face at the moment. Cannot snap out of this. The idea of nothing at xmas fills me with horror. I have always had a lot of money to spend on family at xmas and if I am in this destitute state, I simply cannot continue. It feels like my life is finished.