Hi RG, thank you for your continued support and it is also good to see you fighting back, we really can and will beat this thing.
It has been a long week for me. I found out on Friday the 12th that my teacher’s funeral was on the 13th and not on this coming Saturday as i anticipated. I just felt I wanted to go pay my last respect to the man who has contributed so much to my upbringing. Back then, good teachers were hard to find..and he was the best. May his sweet soul rest in peace.
So off i drove, about 400 km away from my home. Driven the early hours of Saturday and I was constantly thinking about how am I going to avoid gambling in that province. After the funeral I immediately wanted to drive back to my province, first to avoid gambling and secondly because I did not want to over spend. But my sister called me to join them and other high school friends for “after tears”. So I went and boy did we have a lot of fun..it was really really nice to see so many people I grew up with, they were so equally happy to see me..it was great. I was not thinking about gambling anymore and I was happy to have gone to bed without hitting the local casino. But in the morning, I had that “gambling-like” hangover..i guess it is because I spent far too much than I planed to, I dont know why, may be because I am chasing the same “kick” out of spending and drinking as I would get playing cards..i felt a bit irresponsible, but that bad feeling was gone in a couple of hours. Happy i did not gamble.
Unfortunately I hit a hump on my way back and now I am not only broke but I have some radiator leaks that has be quoted at around $1600 to fix. I am not letting it pull me down, though.
My relationship with my brother and sisters has been on my mind a lot lately. I wish we can find time to sit together and be like family. Me and my younger sister we have a very good relationship but I foresee complexities because her husband, i think, wants to act like an agent for my son who is on the brink of signing a football contract with a professional soccer team. I advised him (my son) that he must send me his contract and the contract of his development team to avoid any potential legal issues. My brother in law comes to me and repeats this same advise to me as if he is the one that gave to my son. I kept quite but it bothered me that he acted this way. They have a kid, almost the same age as my son so i guess he (my son) has always been close them. My bro in law is also into development soccer so they interact more frequently. I dont know hey, I have not been an active father to him and feel like my motives will be questioned if I want to get involve now..so it is tough and i have at the back of my head a voice that is telling me to stay out of it.
My older sister, I am staying with her daughter for the past 18 months. I really wanted to take her out of the area that she was staying in, for safety reasons. So even if I was not prepared, I took her in and enrolled her for studies in early childhood development. She wanted to study teaching, but she did not score enough in her exams so we were trying other avenues to get her there. Now she has completed this course and in the next six months she will have nothing to do. I planned to take my youngest daughter out of nursery school for various reasons, and my niece can look after her for the next few months, since her course was related to early childhood development…and we will pay her. But I think she spoke to her mom and they think I am turning her into a nanny or something, so she turned my offer down. Now she is just sitting at home and my wife will not like that for long, I will not like it for long and we will have to send her back home…that will open another can of worms.
And my brother, we have not been that close ever since I had a word-fight with his wife about two years ago. We have not talked much ever since.
So for the first time since my journey started, I feel a little bit of stress. I think these things could be sorted out just with communication and open-mindedness but yeah, it is tough.
The weather is clearing up a bit, we are starting to have more frequent sunny days so I will be running more frequently to offload this things that are weighing down sometimes.
I did not manage to execute the national self-exclusion, but it is very high on my to-do list.
Another week has gone by without gambling, it is now day 53 and the lord is still with me. I leave all these negativeness in HIS hands and take it one day at a time. If I am not gambling, I am winning, I am making progress.
God bless all of you!