So I didn’t gamble all weekend. I had blockers in place everywhere. I spent time with my family and my friends. As long as I didn’t have to come into my office i was fine. This morning I felt very low. I think it is because I lost the script for my anti-depressents and now have to lose more time getting another one. It is also because I saw my family and friends who have never had problems like me.
I am struggling to deal with what I have done with my life. The depression is so low inside of me. The fact I have thrown my life up to this point away. My wife, my son, my business, my dreams. How do I recover from that? What price recovery if my dreams are shredded. This was meant to be my year, the year I made my first feature. I chucked that away too. There is something wrong inside of me. Deeply wrong.
It is strange. I managed to gamble on Thursday because netnanny didn’t work on one of the office computers. But this morning it was blocked properly. And wouldn’t connect. So that is blocked. But wasn’t on Thursday. What is that about?
Is some higher power testing me?
I will start my new blog soon.
Thanks
Mav