This is day 5 without gambling.
I don’t have control over my finances for a period of 7 years now. The first 4 years I managed to found ways to get to my finances at some points, but the last 3 years every road to do that is closed.
The last month’s I was gambling with my money for the week and excuses to get more at some points.
The real problem for me, and I think for more of us, was not truly wanting to stop gambling. I just wanted the misery to stop. Or over time forgetting why it was so important to stop. Magically thinking: ” this time I will win, in that case it won’t be any trouble to go gamble. Or feeling so miserable that I just couldn’t care anymore.
I’m now so aware of the fact, that my problem is that I can’t walk away. So why bother to win, if I just will lose it all. Still lots of thoughts going on, but awknoledging and make myself aware of the fact that I can’t walk away, makes me able to put away the thoughts.
I’m not very productive right now, but that will get better over time I’m sure. Just focusing on not gambling at the moment and finding distraction.