Day 3.
My eyes are welled with tears reading these comments. Thank you…more than you know.
I’m so alone in my secret life of gambling. There’s literally no one (except you, the people posting on this forum) I can tell about this or they’ll lose all respect and hope for/in me.
I’m scared of myself. I’m scared for myself. More importantly, I’m scared for those who now depend on me being financially well, i.e., children and elderly parents.
I cannot believe I have done what I have done, yet, at the same time. I totally can.
The EXACT same triggers enabled me to to do this again. I even told myself, “Hey, this is a trigger, be careful”. Didn’t matter because I WANTED to. I wanted the escape.
Just one enormous problem, gambling is not an escape for me, it is a prison. An almost inescapable prison. I’m clinging as hard as I can to the ‘almost’. It’s all I have.
I’m not a spiritual or religious person, but I’ve been praying constantly. I need God’s strength. Without it, I don’t believe I’ll mentally make it.
Please God, give me just today. We’ll work on tomorrow when it comes.