Just a quick update. Packing up the office. Still struggling to accept what I have done – can not believe I let this addiction take so much from me. It’s taken everything, I have allowed it.
I do not know why I could not stop until it was too late. WHy am I a walking cliche. I could have stopped on so many occiasons and got my shit together – paid the company debts, found new staff to help bring in new clients etc etc. It is all so clear to me now – but what I have to do is murky. The closing of the company, my fuiture.
This was my problem last year – the big contract papered over the cracks in my life – it also gave me freedom to gamble, and so slowly, from a few hours here and there, soon became a raging non-stop addiction again. I realise this is how it will be if I ever gamble again. It will start slow – a few wins, a few losses – until I am at it all the time.
I refuse to let this addiction ruin any more of my life. It has taken everyghing.
All I can hope is that I am moving into a new period. A period of growth, learning, prosperity. I will take this on the chin – I have no one to blame but myself. But I must move on.
Still, I know this is all my own fault. There was no need for this to happen. If only I had gone back to GA on 27th jan 2014 and made an effort then to quit gambling and get my life back on track.
Take care all
M