So last night at work I had a row with one of the people who knows what I’ve done. Basically all he can muster up, every time he brings it up, is that after the first time I clawed my money back, I should of quit then. “I’d of stopped after that first time you got it all back”. Cheers bud, sound advice. I told him, no you wouldn’t. If you’d been gambling the sums of money I had for the continual length of time I had, you wouldn’t of stopped at all. “Yes I would”… This is a guy that chases a hundred pound loss until he’s nothing left. Telling me he’d of stopped. After I told him I was a compulsive gambler he even had the nerve to tell me I wasn’t. This is what annoys me most I think. If I told people I was a drug addict they’d sympathise. When I tell people I’m a gambling addict they laugh and tell me I’m not…
But it’s obvious I was never going to stop. Anyone with half a brain knew after everything I’d put myself through to get back to where I was, it was never going to be enough. There can never be too much. Only too little. After I’d made my money back, all I could think about was making more. Sure, I lasted about a week, bought a few luxury items, but I was always going to go back.
I needed that loss. People will never be able to wrap their heads round it. But I needed to lose it all before I could come to terms with what I am. If I still had that money in there, I’d still be gambling with it. That’s a fact.
