So, struggling today. Struggling with guilt, what I have done. The sadness of closing my office, the fact there is no money left, no work. Everything bad happening is a DIRECT result of 3 years of gambling. I could probably have saved all of this on so many occaisons by taking my illness seriously. I thought I could handle it, and I probably could have done if I had also done work as well. All I had to do we keep working on my business, but the addiction didn’t let me think straight.
I hope EVERYONE on this site who is struggling to give up gambling can do so. It is so not worth it, it is the most ruinious of addictions. It affects so many parts of your life. Mental, emotional, physical, financial. Just placing a bet for me now would be murderous. I cannot imagine doing it.
I honest feel so low again. Just sitting here writing this, looking at the state of my office, packing stuff away, knowing that this part of my life is over. That it is over because I fucked it up. I feel so stupid. So low.
Hey ho, life goes on – I can’t wait for GMA. I need to deal with this in a structured way otherwise I am going to go mad.