Starting to really wonder if this site is good for me? It’s nice to be able to record my thoughts i guess, but really it’s just those day numbers clocking up that i always rely on to help me. I used to count them on the works calendar whenever i had a bad spell and wanted to stop. My previous record was just over 42 weeks i believe. Never gone a year as long as I’ve been gambling. But I’ve been reading over some peoples older posts and although there’s a lot of tragedy through those pages, there’s also a lot of glamor between the lines. I read a long post that someone did last year describing the thrill and rush of gambling on slot machines. The post finished up telling how terrible they felt after the event, but all I read at that point was blah, blah, blahh. I’m not trying to offend anyone, but by the time I’d read the first bit, all those sweet memories of gambling came flooding back. The next paragraph could of been the meaning of life and I’d still not been interested! At this point right now, right now in my head, all I want to do is gamble. I think I’ve even gone past the point of wanting my money back. Just want the feeling of seeing that reel spin and have your heart skip a beat as the reel settles, displaying a healthy win or a disappointing loss.
I miss the feeling of not being able to spend money too. I mean, sure, I’ve scraped back two grand so far, so I could easily afford a little luxury or two. But I’m stuck in save mode at the moment. I’m really dedicated to building my savings back up. The downside to this is that I’m still selling things I’ve collected over the years for, in some cases, less that they’re worth. Which bugs me with every sale. I’m still adamant that my very top, rare items won’t be going anywhere. I know they’re only ‘things’ but I’ve worked hard for these ‘things’ and I think losing them will do me more harm than good in the long run.
So here’s to 20 days… Tempted, but not turned.
