SO today is day 173 since my last bet and would you know it is as clear as day in my mind. It is also 82 days since I started going to NA. A week on Friday will be my 6 month date since my last bet. 10 days away and i get a new keyring for 6 months. I have been invited to talk at my GA on 29th Sept as we are having an open meeting to celebrate clean time. I will be just 3 days short of 6 months then.
Oddly I have been having gambling thoughts but I understand them now. They mean nothing. A voice tells me I can aort out my finances thorugh winning, or it tells me no harm will come of it, who would know. I would know and that is enough. I know that the lies are what tear me up the most.
Life is tough at the moment as I rebuild. I have had electrics put in the car and I have a nice nest sorted out. But things fluctuate between the ex and myself, but I love seeing my son.
I have my dog in London again as my parents are on holiday. I am still proetcted and I could gamble if I wanted. That encourages me to not gamble as I know I could.
I have still not had a drink, so that is now almost 8 months as well. My last drink of alcohol was on 2nd Feb this year.
Wow, gambling addiction really fucked me up. Looking back I am staggered by how much time I spent gambling, thinking about gambling or looking forward and working out how to get money to gamble with. And how much time I wasted doing it.
However, I believe it has to happen to effect change in my life. I was stagnating in a big way, and so something had to create change. Addiction does that. Something in me was very unhappy so it found a way to change it – destroy it to rebuild.
Am making plans with the business, it looks like there is work out there. I just need to work out how to survive until that happens.
I love you all and will catch up on the stories. I hope everyone out there is Gamble Free and that life is going as well as it can.
Over and out
M