So today is day 17 gamble free and tomorrow will be day 18 – which is the same number of days I managed before my last little lapse. I cannot imagine gambling tomorrow. Apart from no online access and no money, I do not have access to my online banking, cards, PayPal or anything. So it would need a freak series of events for me to gamble.
On the other hand, my moods are still very low. Yesterday I drove down to Portsmouth for the AGM where the motion to remove God from all the Steps and the Orange Book was defeated. The gentlemen who put the proposal forward mad a spirited case, and made some good points as well, but ultimately they votes for what, for those who stay, works.
I met several nice guys. The demographic was very white, working class of ages between 40-70. There were a few women and a few black and Asian people, but mainly white. It found it quite interesting, friendly and full of good recovery, which is what I wanted.
Today I have been low again, lots of thoughts of what I have done. I know the past is the past, but the past for me is the present. The sitiation I am in right now is due to what I did in the last 6 months. I have to live with that, and work each day to move forwards into a new, better future. I don’t know what the future holds. I have very little money and just 1 more paycheck before I enter rehab. I have no work lined up and cannot think about what work I will do. There was however someone at a meeting a few weeks ago who is a CG and who runs a recruitment consultancy who said they would give me advice.
I have work to do now which, if I don;t do it, will make me feel bad and regretful.
Love to all
Mav