Well, today I hit the 150 days milestone.
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nDid life get better?
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nYes and no.
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nThe decision to end my relationship after 6.5 years has put a strain on me. Did I make the right choice? Is there even a right choice? Sometimes I feel like a prick, other times a feel fine. But I never feel a sense of satisfaction. I’m going through the motion of life, instead of grabbing life.
nGambling put me in a sort of survival mode which had some (silly) sense of purpose. It gave me a goal: Get money and play….
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nNow I work, save money, play some videogames, make some walks, hang out with friends. No extreme highs, no extreme lows. It all feels so boring at times.
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nBut maybe it is a positive effect of no gambling. I just need to make space for my feelings and emotions, instead of burying them with gambling. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself. Just as if I’m looking at myself in 3rd person.
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nGambling filled a big part of my mental capacity. No time for worries when you are playing. Not thinking everything over a 1000 times. Just me and the slot. It felt peaceful at times and horrible at others.
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nDo I want to go back to gambling?
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nHell no.
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nI’m confident that life is way better without gambling. I need to find a sense of purpose now. Find my meaning, set goals. Get my satisfaction from something else. Deal with the feelings and emotions that are coming back.
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nI rather am bored with money in the bank then being bored without money and a lot of worries.
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n”By gambling, we lose both our time and treasure, two things most precious to the life of man”
