I’m doing okay but having some very strong urges to gamble. I’m panicking about money. I had spent the whole day at my horse club, had two beers and a meal. I spent 10 euros. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m home now, 9 pm. Still feeling I should gamble for 25 but don’t feel like going through the whole process of registering to a casino, verfying my account, finding a casino that accepts maestro payments etc. I ‘ve self – excluded from all casinos I used to play at which basically means I’m guaranteed to lose even if I were to win because of the time it would take to go through the whole verification process.
Another issue is how much can you really win for 25? I would have to go through a lot of spins, through a lot of machines, through a lot of hours of play. This means that the gambling demon inside me I have been fighting to cage would certainly come unleashed. There is no way I could come out of a 25 deposit without bringing myself back to day 1.
The best option for me right now is to pop an anti – anxiety pill, fall asleep and hope there is something nice for me waiting around the corner. That is, if I hang in there. A new job, better pay, a nice boyfriend, inheritence from a long lost relative… who knows… ? The list can be endless.