I have been thinking a lot about my past and how reckless I have been with my finances. So, sometimes I feel optimistic and other times I feel so down and discouraged. My moods swings so often in a day. I am now out of cash, we have some money in our joint account, but asking my wife for some pocket money just brings her sadness all over again. We are really not doing well but i know it will improve in time. She is a very beautiful woman and I can see how my actions have brought tremendeous sadness to her throughout the years. That is the thing about my gambling, the worst thing will not be about loosing money, but keeping a secret about the money I lost. Then after telling the truth there is a transfer of negative emotions from me to her..I will really feel ok and look at her face overwhelmed with deep sadness. Very unfair. I am very happy with my kids, two daughters and the love I have for them has scored me some extra credit..Without them I am not sure if we will still be here. I have not seen my boss in over 2 weeks and my work is a bit behind with all the travelling I have been doing. I have already seen some of his negative remarks on emails and his attitude on video conferencing yersterday. At this momement I need to hold on to my job with everything I got, so he can bring his worst I can handle it. I am really prepared to try and improve our working relationship as hard as it will be. So, I am still doing small things that makes me feel good inside..i look clean, I am always on time and above all I am not gambling..not even sports betting. Thanx for you message Charles..
One day at a time.