Hey Vilkku, you have no idea (and nor do I) but I think we have a huge amount in common. We are not alone. But from what I have gleaned about you we share LOTS of things in common.
Write your story here, share it with us.
In the meantime, I have taken more massive steps to recovery. I had another argument with my (soon to be ex) wife last Thursday. Again at the end of a very long day which started at 4am with the drive to London, and ends as I try to leave to go to GA after dropping off our son. I know when the arguments stop it is because I am UNable to sit back and take whatever criticism she has. Also we may have more work from our client who funds the Deaf films, and she has been working for them while I have been off sick. SO if more work comes in it is for us and not just me, so we do have to find a way of working together as well as sharing our son. Perhaps that is our destiny, as we always used to work really well together.
I hit day 100 on Saturday and went to Brighton to see my best mate and his family. There was a barbecue on the beach in Brighton. It was bloody windy. On the Sunday morning we FaceTimes my (soon to be ex) wife who put Valentin on so his kids could say hello. They treat our son as their little brother which is so awesome.
Today I took another massive step. As I explained I bought myself an iPod Touch so I could use the running app which is a couch to 5K app which has a voice which tells you when to run and walk. It is an old iPod so cannot run the latest os. This means you cannot download the latest software. Everything written now on the App Store runs on iOS 7 and my iPod only runs iOS 6. This is a protection. However, I can download old versions of software which I had previously bought and there were 9 poker apps on there. They were not all money apps, some were only ‘play’ money but I know now I cannot ever play poker again. I have so far resisted downloading them but I know how devious this addiction is. I can only delete them in iTunes but NetNanny blocks access to the iTunes store. My mum has the NetNanny password so this morning we disabled the computer, logged into iTunes, deleted the apps and then protected the computer again, testing it out. At first the gambling sites were not locked, so it took 10 more mins but we did it. To download any new software I have to first download it from iTunes so that then I go to the cloud in my iPod and it will download the old version that way. This means that to download and install any new software I have to go through iTunes, which means I need my mum to disable iTunes. This is extra protection and now makes me very happy. I made the right choice in getting the iPod as I am running 3 times a week with it. I download Radio programmes from the iPlayer and listen to them while I run. Mainly science programmes.
I am off to the gym now, then off to GA in Derby tonight where I will take the meeting for the first time. I am speaking with my sponsor from NA every day, doing a gratitude list and starting the 12 steps soon. I am so glad I have started to go to NA as I found myself thinking about drugs (mushrooms and ecstasy and dope primarily) wondering if the time was right for me to get high again. But that was my first addiction. I didn’t just do drugs to have fun in the end, I used them to destroy myself. Back when I was 24 in 1998 I ended up again at my mum and dad’s due to heroin addiction. Funny how things repeat. So now I am addressing the fact that my name is Maverick and I am an ADDICT.
Love to all, see you soon
Mav