Charlster,
I know everything you are saying. Last year in 2014 when I got caught again by my wife after a long sustaine dperiod of uncrontrolled gambling over christmas, including the days before and after my won was born and my wife was in hospital, I never thought of going to GA and getting help. Even though I knew I had a porblem. I took a week off and then started again, keeping it small. I argued to myself if I only make small bets, control the hours I play etc, what harm is it doing. Surely that is my right? Well, slowly that became more and more time, I started playing on higher sites and no matter when I won I soon lost it – then had to play as quickly as possible, depositing again, to win it back, but making terrible decisions.
It slowly ate more and more of my head until Sept/Oct/Nov/Dev last ear when I was playing almost all of the time while I was mant to be working, really resenting when people were asking me questions. I was so deep into my addiction I could no longer see it, except for a small voice pleading with me to stop. The addiction beat that voice into a pulp. Until my wife caught me this year, when I started using company funds. then, once it was out, my fragile mental state of mind collapsed and I am only now beginning to feel ‘normal’.
You wrote that instead of seeing clients you would sit in the car with you ipad. I got pulled over by the police while playing poker on my iPhone in 2012. 3 points and a fine. How mental. I am totally ashamed of that. And that was April 2012, 3 years ago. I never saw how addicted I was. The addicted prevented me from seeing it, and just now your addiction made you turn down GMA. But it seems you gained a huge amount from your slip. It wasn’t a relapse as you were able to stop – you didn’t fall back into a crazy destructive pattern.
One of the reasons I look up to you is that you have great insight. You are 10 years older than me, but you haven’t given up. I have to accept I lost my business because of this addiction, but by the time I reach retirement age (70) in 28 years it will be 2043. My son will be 29 years old, almost 30. Younger than I am now. Everyone tells me I am young enough to start again, and so are you. 20 years is enough time if you have you health.
That is my focus now.
You take care, have a great day, and well done.