Changing thoughts.
Tomorrow will be 10 weeks since I last gambled. Has it been hard? Yes, but I have to say, looking back on it, not as hard as I thought it would be. Gambling was part of my routine, and I just needed to get it out of my system. I haven’t relapsed, or even had a chance at relapsing, or even wanted to bet in these past weeks. Yes, sometimes my memory gets the best of me, and I remember fun times when I would gamble, and I think “yeah, I could gamble now and have some fun”, but I return to reality and remember the shit I went through.
I guess what I’m saying is this: I don’t massively want to go back to Gordon Moody. I know this is very controversial, but I always speak my mind. It’s 14 weeks which is/isn’t long, but I don’t think I will be able to cope. I don’t think I’m in need of the help, I may be kidding myself but I honestly don’t. I think there are other people out there who have been gambling all their lives, they need help. For me it was just a few bad decisions that got me in the shit, and I’ve managed to get out of it myself, and haven’t looked back. Yes, going to GM would be helpful, they’d give me the “bag of tools”, and I have nothing to lose by going. But, if I don’t want to go, don’t want to be there, it’s gonna make the whole process worse.
I dunno, I just can’t see myself being in rehab for 14 weeks… I don’t think I deserve it or need it. If I’d struggled the past 10 weeks I would understand, but yeah, I’ve had shit days and I’ve been more emotional, but that’s just the withdrawals symptoms. I haven’t been close to relapsing, nor have I thought about it. This obviously makes me think about “why” I’m going back. Yes I know WHY, I had a gambling problem. I’m not saying “I’m cured, I can now gamble again”. I will NEVER gamble again, **** going down that route again, but if I can do it myself, why do I need the help?
Mondays are such a mind ****!
MrExon