Dear dairy
I was speaking from personal experience only : What was the difference like for me now compare to a good period when I go total abstinence in recovery last year.
Last year, I wanted to go abstinence for more than 180 days. My objective was to go cold turkey like it or not. In between, there are some very tough days, it really test my mental strength, many times I was weak, this was when I see and experience the benefit of having a Higher Power, the whole new focus was on God, and I was able to achieve it with new found strength unlike many past attempts when I fail miserably on my own free will and strength.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
I did not plan for the experiences that come soon after, in doing so, I was able to experience what recovery felt like after more than 180 days of total abstinence, the benefits it bring to my health and the hope it gave me was immense and tremendous. Recovery has become beautiful and fun. It starts to become a lifestyle, and an enjoyment.
The last advise I got from a mentoring friend, “there will come a time when I felt like I was on my own, I will feel like I was traveling this journey alone and HE cannot hear me but HE is always there. I only need to pray to Him.
Looking back, it really felt like I have to carry the weight and march forward alone but God was always there. I make it by the grace of God.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Since early 2016, changes have taken place in my routine. I didn’t understand why it happen but I continue to have faith and believe that it happen for a good reason.
I didn’t wish to leave and I don’t understand why I had to leave the Christian recovery support groups that I have depended on so much in the previous 3 years, I was very comfortable there but they sure know how to make it very uncomfortable for me for a few weeks.
Suddenly one day, they are not happy that I was leading a group in another organization, it just happen on this day, the GA chairperson couldn’t come and the assistance chairperson was late, I just help to chair the GA meeting. I don’t know how they found out and what is their problem.
People attending the Christian support groups sometime wear T-shirts which carry gambling paraphernalia such as football jersey with club logo, there was no problem but it shock me when their loyal workers and later their management have problem with the T-shirt I was wearing, it belong to another volunteer welfare organization for recovering addicts.
I even have a worker there who volunteer to pray for me personally, his message to me was to follow where ever God brings me.
I have to trust God’s timing. If it is really time for me to move, I move. I decided to leave this group.
Addicts like me don’t like changes. I have to leave my comfort zone in recovery. I struggled, it took me about 4 months to find a similar substitutes, stabilise and settle down.
In the meanwhile, other problems stand out during this period, my alcohol and gambling came into the limelight. The rest is history.
Thank God, it was actually a learning opportunity, I become stronger in the process. I have pick up a new awareness and new skills that I never had in the past.
Now I am just doing it together with all my new friends counting continuous clean days again, it is a togetherness kind of thing.
My focus remain unchanged.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
Step 4 now: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
During the challenging time this year, I had the opportunity to finally uncover my deepest lies, dishonesty and false hope. I am still work in progress but I am already seeing the benefits.
With God ‘s will taking the lead and my will plus direction in recovery growing clearer and stronger in strength. Things are improving, getting easier and smoother compare to the good period in recovery last year.
Below is a small part of the reading from the promises in AA
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.