Dear diary
These are just some progression from what I was doing previously, from repaying financial institutions to giving all my money to my love ones, from changing my behaviors to changing my heart and thinking, something I struggle to do in the past, this was why I believe that God has help me to do what I cannot do as mentioned in the AA 12 promises. I learn to show love living one day at a time not by words but by deeds now. Practicing the recovery program has turn from a necessity into an enjoyment.
The first 2 months of the year was good! It has been a very enriching humbling lesson for me, I found out very quickly that I do not have all the answers. After the experience I had at 3 different recovery places with different new recovering person in Singapore this year, I learn that there is little I can do for someone who is not willing and not ready to change, the person must be willing to do it for themselves.
I check with a religious leader, a 12 steps workshop facilitator, and a counsellor. Their answer was all the same and confirm one thing, “the person must do it for themselves.”
My tolerance to stress is not very high, recognizing them has kept me safe, carrying another recovering person was one of the stress I cannot have. After chairing a meeting and the feeling I had later confirm everything. I do not want to jeopardize my personal recovery in the future. I will only carry the message and not the other person by my presence.
This has laid the blueprint for me when I move ahead in carrying the recovery message. Is this something new? No it was not, I read “How it works” from GA and look at the messages carefully, the answer was there all along but I was blind to it.
No one is perfect, and so am I, I was no different and have behave in exactly the same way as some of the new recovering person I met in Singapore, I wanted to recover but I am not willing to do what it takes to recover. I want to stop gambling and I want to gamble at the same time. I really do not wish this upon anyone, it only prolong the pain and suffering.
Now I am free from the bondage of addictions and not a slave of money anymore by the grace of God.
HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program,usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are READY to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with Gambling addiction—cunning, baffling, powerful!
Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.