Your story is every gambling addicts story, more or less. It’s no longer about the money, it’s about the rush it gives you. The sooner you accept that the money is gone, and realize that any money you make from gambling is dirty money that will only prolong your gambling, the better of you are.
I can understand your predicament and I understand why it is so hard to just STOP. Over the course of many years, your brain has been rewired to function differently from the non-addicts. Addiction messes up your reward system so that It’s hard to find pleasure in anything (unless it’s gambling). It also affects your decision-making skills, which is why we often give into urges and make consistently unhealthy choices in our lives. Addiction has messed up your brain and how it works, but fortunately, it can be rewired – it’s gonna take a long while, but this should be your long-term goal.
So, I would advise you to forget about the money, don’t beat yourself up, get back on the horse, do some research on addiction and how it affects the brain, and commit your life to stay gamble-free while working on solutions to fix the potentially biggest asset of your life – your brain.
I wish you the best of luck my friend, and remember there is always help to get from this forum 🙂
– Chris