Hi P,
Thank you for your concern post, I appreciate it very much.
I was just feeling a little disappointed and down, it all started when I look at last year and look at this year. I wanted very much to protect this year.
I wish to continue practicing what kept me safe last year, I didn’t gamble when I was total abstinence but I didn’t have a perfect year, when I decided to be lenient and feel it was ok to stop practicing total abstinence, I saw how my pride and self righteousness take center stage and made up such convincing lies to myself that it was ok to go ahead to gamble. I just wrote down all those lies.
What happen last year can happen this year if nothing changes. I am sure I can do better this year but first, I must be honest about my character defects and change.
Potentially my character defects can make things difficult for me this year if I don’t do anything about them.
I must change inside and I must also change outside. I decided that I need to transfer my additional money into a different account every month from now on so that I will have just enough for the month. Just in case I want to gamble, I will not have that kind of money to do it. I didn’t think I need to do that last year, I was not humble enough but other barriers was already put in place in the past.
My first salary this year will come in next week, I need to start transferring money to a different account. I didn’t do that last year because I was manageable every month, I was strict with my money for more than 7 months until I lost my discipline and became lenient in my spending for the next 5 months, when I didn’t do enough, I even gamble when I want.
My chances for a better year is slim if I do nothing different. I need to trust God more and trust myself less.
I search the Bible for an answer, and found love and self-sacrifice was my answer to those lies I tell myself.