Dear dairy
I wonder why I didn’t turn back earlier.
I realized that if I had a reserve, any losses will not affect me so badly to see a need to want to change. I could not feel the great inconvenience caused by the gambling loss.
Plus my stubborn determination and winning mentality is very uncomfortable and dislike the feeling of losing and would like to try to win back some loses.
It is a blessing and important for me to have barriers in recovery.
When I do not have any excess money;
It is easy to wipe out everything I had.
When that happens, I would not have money left over for my living expenses, paying my bills, providing for my family etc.
I will experience great inconveniences. The thorn in my flesh will be a constant reminder to me for many days not to gamble.
This is so important, firstly the reserve or saving is protected from uncontrollable gambling loss, secondly, I hit rock bottom and feel the pain earlier plus learn my lesson sooner before it is too late.
Never thought a thorn in the flesh can be a savior