I relapsed again yesterday and it was another painful gut-wrenching loss in less than an hour -> the equivalent of one month’s salary. I had been GF for 8 days and the blocking software on my phone was helping. I was traveling and apparently the software on the hotel WIFI was not working as I was able to play.
This time after I lost I took an inventory of how much money I have lost over the past 21 months (when I went from a passive recreational gambler to the compulsive gambler I have become). As I kept adding up the amounts, the guilt added up which eventually led to the sickening reality that I have been working for free the last two years. But putting a number on what I truly lost has given me some new-found perspective and this time, my personal vow “to never do this again” actually feels more credible than past vows. I am in a decent frame of mind today. Part of that is truly coming to grips that the “money is gone” and as opposed to trying to “chase losses” for the millionth time only to know that will lead me to losing more money; that a good outcome will be to not further these losses by stopping gambling and in the long-run that will help not only from a financial standpoint, but will help improve my mental health.
I appreciate the kind support from everyone who as commented on my story. I am committed to be able to post that I am one week GF, one month GF, 3 months GF, 6 months GF, 1 year, etc!!!