I am going to be the death of our relationship, this is what I said to my partner tonight and when he asked why, I had to tell him for the third time in the past 3-4 months that I gambled and lost alot of money. Regardless of what I really need to say to him, it all goes out the window cause he just gets so mad and his reaction surprises me all the time, maybe more out of his ignorance for the addiction. It is hard explaining to him that yes I love him and care for him and when I say I want to stop, I mean it at the time and gambling or choosing to gamble doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less, their is no on or off switch but he doesn’t quite get it and I don’t blame him. As soon as I told him tonight that I lost $700 (lost way more but he was too angry so I have to tell him tomorrow) he asked me to leave the house and that he did not want to see me this week. He proceeded to lecture me as I packed my stuff but then told me he doesn’t want me to leave as I was going . We contacted some counselling place that is open till 10pm tonight but no one answered and I left a message. He wants to sit with me on my counselling sessions so he understands why I do it and how he can support me. Does anyone have advice, or recommendations for counsellors in Melbourne and even things he can read up himself?
He does not trust me anymore, our relationship is about to end. Tonight I said I CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH MONEY, you need to remove that temptation from me because I am not strong enough. I wan’t to stop but right now I can’t! When I was gambling tonight I thought I was going to throw up the anxiety was overwhelming, win or lose it was all the same to me. I can’t live a life like this, what kind of future is it for me or for him? A part of me wishes he would just leave me because I deserve it, far out I don’t even deserve to be alive – that is how I think sometimes. This addiction has crippled me, sucked and removed every inch of joy I have ever experienced and now I have found this incredible man who I love and have waited so many years for and this addiction is going to take him to and I am so scared because I don’t want to lose him.
And I don’t know how to make him understand that cause all he sees is me saying I won’t relapse and then I do.
I am at my wits end. Please help!