Hi JDS,
At first you think there is no possible way you will ever forgive your father, however you will see that being able to forgive will come as you progress in your recovery. It will let you let go of all the hurt feelings, though it does not mean you will no longer be emotional about it, because I still cry when I think of the past. But it is a different feeling, it is one of wishing things would have turned out differently for him but not me. I have no hate or ill feelings toward my father and you won’t either.
The addiction doesn’t care that you are unemployed or struggling or that it owes you money. If it could it would wipe out whatever money you still have in your pockets and bank account. It doesn’t care you might even become homeless.
This addiction is controlling your father and he is listening to it. So don’t worry yourself about why your father doesn’t care much to your hardships. His mind is deep in his gambling, your words don’t mean much. If you want him to listen, your actions are the only thing that he will understand. It is good that you are in recovery because things only get worst with an active cg. Let go of the idea that you can change him or shock him with words. Again it is your action. Don’t let ideas of what others think to be true alter your decision making either. I would be rich if I had a $1.00 for every, “But he is your father,” line given to me, in the years of estrangement away from my father.
What is happening to you with your father is serious and can destroy your life if you don’t create a plan of action where you put yourself first.
All of this takes time, years to accomplish but as long as you stay true to your recovery and apply the strategies that have worked to many of us here, and don’t get pulled in by the addiction to enable, you are on your way to a happy and meaningful life.
Take care,
Twilight