Another week gone by, still no urges, still no problems. I’d have thought this wouldve been similar to when I gave up smoking – The first week was always the hardest but this doesn’t feel the same. I don’t appear to be struggling with stopping thus far, I still associate with my friends who have been known to have a punt on the football and not afraid to show it off when they hit a win. Nothing really has changed for me in terms of how I’m treated, I do tend to draw the line at letting EVERYONE know the full extent of my problem, my close friends are aware that I have a problem but they don’t treat me any differently which I am grateful for.
I will be seeing my mental heath nurse again in a weeks time at my local GP surgery. I know this isn’t the same as what GM offer but it’s doing me a world of good. Just sitting for an hour talking solely about the problem once in a while does take a load of and doesn’t bottle up everything I have inside. The addiction has modified my behaviour over the years and as a result my Mother and Father’s relationship has deteriorated with both myself and with each other.
I overheard them last night arguing about me. I do have my doubts about this rehab. I know it will do a world of good, I’m just not sure I’m ready for it. I feel like i’m being pushed towards it because i’ve been accepted, Mum says that I have to go because I might not be accepted next time if I apply. Is this true?
The real struggle I have currently is picturing myself in a rehab over the Christmas break. I can honestly say hand on heart I have never properly tried giving up gambling before. Whenever it was a problem previously I’d just shrug it off until eventually I go on my next sporadic spree. To be honest, I’m looking forward to the first urge to gamble to see how I handle it. My mindset has changed about gambling completely. Gone is the person who thinks “well if I chuck £20 into the slots I could hit a bonus” and here is the person that sees that £20 as a night out instead, why waste it on something that actually is incredibly repetitive and just puts in you some black hole of problems and depression.
Unfortunately I can’t talk to my parents much about the decision to go to the rehab. It’s not been long enough to prove my mindset about the whole thing has changed and that really they are just waiting for the next slip up. To be honest, this is the first time I can say I’m looking forward to disappointing them on that subject. Let’s see what the next week brings.
-Aidan.