Thank you for your comments. Velvet , you do say it so well and all the responses I am receiving really do help.
Unfortunately, I am not entitled to any of my ex husbands compensation money. He will receive £10,000 in the next few weeks and despite my £7,500 debt which was to buy a new car (after he crashed my one) because he will receive this as a personal injury claim, I am not entitled to it.
I could take him to court but as I work full time I am not entitled to any legal help so my legal fees would be high. I sigh as it often feels like one step forward and ten steps back as I know what he will spend the compensation money on.
I also contacted the child support agency again as I asked if I could use a collect and pay service which means the csa access funds from my ex and then pay them into my bank account. I have now been told today that they have spoken to my ex for 40 minutes and he does not want this to happen. The CSA then advised me to provide my ex with my bank account details and he will put money into my account on a monthly basis. Now I find my voice as I am just about losing the will as I inform the lady that my ex is a compulsive gambler and she wants me to give him my bank details, account number and sort code. Eh I don’t think so. All this energy and doing my best not to cry on the phone as the CSA advised that because my case is a new case, they have to allow my ex to pay first. I advise he is not likely to do this, He is a CG. I would like them to take money from his wages but nope, this is not happening and my ex has assured the CSA he will give me money for our daughter.
I’m upset by this. I have spent the morning setting up a new bank account with no funds in it in the tiny bit of hope that he will pay but his first payment is not due until November. All responsibility left with me again. He continues to stay in his lovely hotel and still lies to people . Don’t know which emotion is best for me right now, anger or the tears?
At least though I have made 2 difficult phone calls and have more information of what my rights are (not much right and lots of responsibility) but at least I know and I managed the phone calls without tears.
I just do what I can to get through the day. I walk a lot with my kids and my wee dog. I try to smile, even if I am forcing it and I make sure my kids have a normal routine with lots of hugs, reassurance and love from me. Thats all I can manage right now and I guess I try to focus on the positives as I can go to my bed without worrying about where my purse is. Oh even as I write that, its awful. So many people would be shocked by that , that you can be married and have to sleep with your purse. I guess that was my last few months of living with an addict. Fear, worry, stress and tears. I don’t have the fear now but I do still worry and the stress and tears are there but that will get better as I keep talking and using the supports I have to make things easier. It will be a while before it is better but I find the support here of the most help. The understanding people have of my situation is helpful.
So, a tough morning and more tears but I have to get stronger. My kids need me and I will try to focus on us, not my ex. It just gets so frustrating though and despite it all, I miss my ex, not the gambling one, the loving one and for that I will grieve. It still just really hurts.