Another great post Charlster. One thing that particularly caught my attention is where you say you didn’t know you had a problem for a long, long time.
I always knew I had a problem. Even during the years I was winning at poker year in year out I knew I had a problem. First time I banned myself from a casino was when I was 22. I asked Holland Casino in Amsterdam to ban me for a year and they did. I then used friend’s ID to get in.
I didn’t take the problem lightly. I didn’t think like “ok, I have a problem and I will deal with it, just not yet”. I imposed all kind of obstacles, bans, deals with friends, had my money offshore where it would take days to get it etc. I think that’s the only reason I survived.
What I didn’t know, and maybe you meant something similar, that I will always need support. I foolishly thought that once you get it out of your system, you get it out of your system and you’re done and over with it.
I shiver every time I ready someone’s here been clean for 5 year or 14 months or whatever and then relapsed. I shiver when geordie who I look up to says he had a tough weekend and came close to gambling.
It’s all too scary for me and makes me nervous and uncertain.