Thankyou for the comments. I have been low at times, strong again, fragile and then determined. So many emotions and feelings and sadness too.
I still keep in contact with another CG, whom I met through my ex. He is a lovely guy and has been in recovery for 5 years now. He managed to save his marriage and lives with his wife and kids. I am happy for him and also one of my neighbours, who just moved in a few months ago, has also told me that he recognised me from a social GA event. he has also been in recovery for a few years and stays with his girl friend. He told me he knows my ex but my ex has stopped going to his main meeting.apparently he goes to another one. This neighbour then said my ex is used as an example of what can happen if you keep gambling – you can lose your home, your wife and your kids. He told me gambling addiction can be over come, which I know, my ex is just not ready to stop yet. So, I know that not every GA is the same, just some of the behaviours whilst gambling are. I dont want you think Vera that I am tarnishing every one being the same. I just get so angry and the emotions you experience when you are the person affected by the addiction, are emotions and feelings that you never knew you had. It is horrible but I appreciate all the comments I get back and the support whilst I am on my own journey to ‘get there’, to not being affected and to not be sad or hurt anymore.
Still difficult when I go out with friends for a meal and come home to my son being upset. I ask him what has happened and he tells me he has received a phone call from the police on his phone, he doesn;t answer. My son has never been in trouble with the police in his life and he is a good kid. I guess it is to do with my ex. I call the police and they have my son’s number as they are trying to get unpaid fuel back. The 47 pounds of unpaid petrol that my ex filled a form out for. Then ‘forgot’ to go back and pay. I tell the police his details, the sheriff officers at my door, the upset me and my kids are still experiencing and the police are very supportive. They now advise they will be making contact with my ex and won’t distress us again.
My son was so worried. guess my ex didn’t think about that. awful.
The next day I decide to request a meeting with my ex’s parents. I am trying to stop debt collectors, lawyers,agents,police and more surprises coming in to my life so I decide to tell his parents every thing that has been going on for us and the effects his CG is having on my kids. I was so anxious as his parents have not always been my number one fan but I am speaking to them to help me and my children and that is worth doing. They are shocked. They tell me they have not been managing his wages – ex obviously lied again – and that they financially helped him by getting him 6 months road tax for his new car. I talk to his mum about enabling and about this forum but she advises she has a book and that helps her. I tell his parents I will not cover for him and i will now tell every person looking for him, where he is. Not because I want to hurt him because I don;t. But because – you are right vera – I need to protect myself. My kids don’t deserve this too.
His father tells me that my cg will always blame others for his behaviour and actions and that they had no idea what I was going through. I am glad of their support and feel better that I have told them. It is such a burden carrying things, especially when you are not responsible for them.
So, if I am getting stronger, it changes how I do things but it still feels awful and makes me sad. I wish my ex could have been the guy that I spoke about earlier who saved his marriage and got his wife and kids back. My ex choose not to do this and then blamed me for not telling him I loved him or wanted him back. Or blamed his parents for his upbringing. and it is not even about blame anymore.i do believe that my ex is sometimes accepting for what he has done and can take responsibility . I have heard his apologies.
It is just not enough.
I am low today. got to get over this rotten day and remember how far I have come. Can’t change the past jenny T but you can live with your kids in a gambling free environment, safe in the knowledge that your hard earned money will still be in the bank at the end of the day and that there will be no need to hear about the lies. Then why do I miss my husband ? Because I am still grieving for the man that I used to have but I know the addiction has took him away. You are right velvet, I will never understand that.
Thanks for listening.