Thanks Jenny. Your words really helped me, especially saying that my strength needs to be kept for important things and definitely not for my ex and his addiction. And also the comment you made about my work. You are so right. I work with very vulnerable people and I know I help to empower them and help them to feel safe and secure in their lives by just going through their journey with them. I really enjoy my work and my ex and his behaviour, manipulation, tactics to cause me further anxiety and the fact that he is illogical in his thinking and consumed by the addiction, is absolutely not worth me hurting anymore. Enough is enough.
I had a really difficult time after someone called Marco and ***** commented on my posts. Marco made me feel guilty as he commented on my marriage vows and how it would be best to support my ex because he is sick. I felt really upset after I read this. It is not easy to walk away from a 10 year relationship and I did take my marriage vows seriously but to stay would have been to put my children through so much distress and I understand that Marco may have felt he was helping but it really made me question whether I had made the right decision. I had to keep reading your post Jenny and also Velvet and Michelles and all the other posts I have had from people ‘walking in my shoes’ to help me get back on track. More tears in the ocean that week. I even considered never writing on here again but I have found it helpful and if you got medicine from a doctor that helped to relieve your pain, you wouldnt just give it up because of perhaps a side effect.
Harry, on the helpline was also a good support and I am relieved that the posts are gone.
You were right Jenny about my ex and his manipulation. After I gave him some food , pot noodles, cup of soups, porridge that he just needed hot water for, he remained ‘nice’ for the week that his parents were away on holiday and was sending me texts of how sorry he was. I sent little responses, saying he needs to want to stop and that he is the only one in charge of his life.
His parents come back on the Thursday ( a week later) and he is on social media telling everyone he is going out for a kebab, getting a haircut, doing great. Eh? I thought he was miserable, sorry, horrified by what he has done but No, he doesnt appear to be.
I then find out the following day that he has been asked to leave the B+B he is in. So, thats our family home he has had to leave, his parents home, now a B+B because he has been causing offence to the other people staying there, disrespecting the owner and going against the B+B’s rules. smoking in his room and I am really not sure who my ex truly is anymore. obviously very addicted and you believed this to be the case Jenny. I know you wish you were wrong and that he was in recovery but hes not. What next I ask?
I now have his parents back and they are contacting me a lot asking to see our daughter. Despite them being abusive to me, believing I have not supported my ex enough, not listening as I tell them I want my daughter to feel completely secure (which she is doing so much better since not having contact with her dad or his parents), they are not listening to me and I feel they are putting their needs first and not my daughters. I have asked them to give me space and my wee girl has now stopped wetting her pants and bed, which I am so relieved about as lots of hugs, comfort and tlc from me and my friends and family seems to have made all the difference to her. Now the in laws are ‘just not getting it’ and just as I was beginning to feel better, their contact makes me feel upset. They are also enabling my ex and so his addiction will continue.
Whilst he is addicted, there will be no contact with his daughter as my job is to keep her recovering too and I am now at a stage where I don’t even care what he thinks about this or his parents as I know what is best for my daughter.
I have been angry this week and have had to stop myself from texting him. Theres no point is there?
My daughter attends brownies and they asked for money for her to go to a panto, then her dancing said they were doing a panto trip too and also a halloween party as well as a new costume that I was encouraged to buy. My ex has gave me no money for her since July. Not a penny. What he paid for his kebab could have went towards her panto trip. Am I being harsh?
I now get what you and others have being saying Jenny. I can change what I do but right now he is still just looking after himself. and yes, he hasnt starved and he has actually put on a lot of weight too. Manipulation is powerful.
I read on a blog that a CG put –
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Unfortunately, I know which wolf my ex is feeding right now and I so wish it wasnt the lying selfish one