Glad to see you are going to stick with this motley crew, haha! I have had the same distraught feeling of letting myself and everyone else down by lapsing, and it really is the worst. But knowing so many understand and are willing to forgive is a very powerful force. Believe me, I understand and I don’t hold it against you a bit, in fact it gives me a great feeling just knowing that you haven’t thrown in the towel. I know you would do the same for me if I stumble. That’s how it is with us.
Recovery truly is a process, it takes time. I don’t count it against anyone for slipping, because I have been trying and sometimes failing for the last 4+ years now. The key is I am still trying each day. I read from your posts that you are still trying too, and that’s what’s important.
We are hard on ourselves, sometimes too hard. We desperately want to get well and there is a hopelessness that comes with a lapse. A fear that maybe we will never be well again. But time heals that pain, and time helps us reconsider those dark thoughts.
Best of luck on the job opportunity. And I am so glad you chose to stay!