All dressed and nowhere to go again this morning. I even washed and styled my hair! My friend is still not up to a visit. This is not helping my finances. My December paycheck is going to be very small. I did have a nice talk with my friend’s daughter this morning. She told me how much her mom likes me and how the family really appreciates my visits with their mom. Her mother is slowly coming around. So, maybe, Wednesday.
Once, again, the temptation is to put my coat on and head to the casino. Husband thinks I’m working and won’t call me.
I think my laziness is helping me and so I’m going to just sit here in my warm house for a while and do nothing. Maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to care about the way I feel. I know the damage that a rash decision will make. I have to admit, I have been thinking about gambling a lot lately. Not the entire event, just the machines I enjoyed playing. This, I know is dangerous. I need to stop those thoughts right away. Stop allowing myself to think about the games. Instead, I need to think about how I want to feel at the end of the day. Unless, I come home with a million dollars, I know that I will feel really rotten.
The November pledge is helping me since I feel a little added pressure, since I am the one who started it this month. lol
Actually, that fact saved me Saturday. My husband and I were at the trailer. He was watching football, lots of football. I didn’t have much to do. I thought about going to the casino, I thought about it a lot, which was only 15 minutes away. I shared the fact that I was having urges with my husband, which helped. He gave me a hug…then went back to watching football. lol Then, I thought about having to tell you all about my slip. So, I poured myself a glass of wine and started a book my girlfriend gave me. We cooked a delicious dinner, and then we ate it while we both watched football together. It ended up being a lovely evening. But, I started out so restless. I see this as a trigger…my inability to just relax, and my restlessness when I am not busy, which seems funny to say since right now I don’t want to get busy at all! I can’t figure me out! Oh well, thanks to this site, I got through the weekend gamble free and today I am going to stay put.
I am so grateful that I do not have to walk down recovery road alone. Blessings to you all!
