In California, they do have a form you can fill out that is distributed to all California casinos that they call self banning. You fill it out and attach your picture, and then when you, the gambler walks into a casino, the casino security will identify you, and have you walked out. The only catch is, this has to be self imposed by the gambler. A spouse can’t tell the casino to stop serving their spouse. I’m sure you know about this. I read some of your other posts about Nguyen banning herself.
I gave my wife a suggestion about that yesterday, to ban herself, if she is really serious about quitting. She just sat there and nodded her head, but I don’t think she is really ready yet. I asked how much credit card debt she has now, since she uses her credit card for cash advances. She says around $5000.
The other problem is, even if restricted from casino, she finds other ways. She will give money to her other gambling siblings to gamble for her, with the hope that when they win, they share the winnings, but of course when they lose, which is more common, the money is lost. So I am dealing with not just her, but her network. The whole family is enabling each other. Only my wife seems to be struggling with money. The rest seem to have their gambling under control, mainly because they have good careers. Most of them have higher income than me.
I tried to talk to them before and told them don’t lend her money, and she tells me they mostly don’t, but she does have a couple of sane sisters who do not gamble, and they sometimes lend her money. Interestingly, her non-gambling sisters husbands also gamble, so it is insidiously prevalent in the whole family.
So the other issue is her access to credit cards. Numerous times, I had her cut up credit cards, but she always re-applies for new ones, and our fico score is 815, so never have problems getting more credit. It seems the only way to stop this is to damage our credit rating, or maybe there is a way to restrict credit access, similar to casino ban.
Other than that, I can see where you are coming from with regards to staying married. My wife is mostly very pleasant to be around. She doesn’t nag, and is just a little cranky sometimes, but I think that is largely age related. If not for the gambling, I have no problem living with her.
Her daughter is mostly great with me as well, and seems sympathetic to my situation, so could be a real ally in the future. She is going through a teen angst stage right now and kind of aloof, but I’m hoping she smooths out in a couple years. Mostly she is a bit snappy with me, and expects me to read her mind. I’m trying to train her to be patient and lower her expectations in general about life, have a plan b, etc.
Mostly, I am a bit dissapointed that I am not biologically related to my daughter. I am not the type that is interested in adoption, no matter how good the kid is. I didn’t really even want a child, but since I got one, I was happy to take on the responsibility of raising her, but given the choice, I would prefer my own. Since I found out she wasn’t mine (remember, I found out only last year), a piece of my heart was lost. I feel less connected to my daughter, and I feel she changed her attitude towards me as well. Before this happened, she was convinced she was half-white and proud of it, and felt special. Now that she knows the truth, she is more embracing her Asian heritage, and seems less sympathetic to my heritage. Her DNA test says she is about 15% Philipino, 10% Thailand, and 75% East Asian (most likely Vietnam). She actually looks Philipino. She says I have white-privilege and that’s why I’m successful. So as you can see, it’s a mixed blessing. I don’t mean to sound racist, but it’s nice to have something in common with your children, and I feel there is nothing anymore. I feel torn and conflicted.